Formal Introduction
Dear Professor Blackstone,
I am Domenic, and I am writing this email to formally introduce myself. I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a diploma in biomedical engineering. My keen interest in engineering comes from my strong belief that engineering plays a significant role in shaping our lives today.
Personally, my father plays a large part in influencing my decision to change my field of study. As he works in the construction industry, I would follow him to construction sites during school holidays to help him with his projects. Over time, this has fueled my interest in the construction processes of buildings with complex structural designs. Therefore, I decided to pursue civil engineering in SIT.
My strength in communication is my ability to hold open-minded conversations. I enjoy conversing with anyone with regards to any topics relating to their lives. Many of my friends found it easy to talk to me and I am always known for being approachable. I am also open to opinions from others as I believe that is the way we could improve ourselves.
My weakness is engaging formal conversations with superiors. I personally find it uncomfortable as I feel the need to be on my best behavior and I am always cautious in the way I present myself. Additionally, I am often intimidated by their presence. I am aware that this is an important skillset and I hope to achieve it before joining the working society.
Through this module, I hope to refine my writing and communication skills to express myself confidently and effectively with a better command of English.
Thank you for your time and I look forward to your classes.
Best regards,
Domenic
CVE 1281
Group 4
*Edited 20/01/19, 3:39 pm
Commented on: Wei Wen, Jayce, Yong Xing
I am Domenic, and I am writing this email to formally introduce myself. I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a diploma in biomedical engineering. My keen interest in engineering comes from my strong belief that engineering plays a significant role in shaping our lives today.
Personally, my father plays a large part in influencing my decision to change my field of study. As he works in the construction industry, I would follow him to construction sites during school holidays to help him with his projects. Over time, this has fueled my interest in the construction processes of buildings with complex structural designs. Therefore, I decided to pursue civil engineering in SIT.
My strength in communication is my ability to hold open-minded conversations. I enjoy conversing with anyone with regards to any topics relating to their lives. Many of my friends found it easy to talk to me and I am always known for being approachable. I am also open to opinions from others as I believe that is the way we could improve ourselves.
My weakness is engaging formal conversations with superiors. I personally find it uncomfortable as I feel the need to be on my best behavior and I am always cautious in the way I present myself. Additionally, I am often intimidated by their presence. I am aware that this is an important skillset and I hope to achieve it before joining the working society.
Through this module, I hope to refine my writing and communication skills to express myself confidently and effectively with a better command of English.
Thank you for your time and I look forward to your classes.
Best regards,
Domenic
CVE 1281
Group 4
*Edited 20/01/19, 3:39 pm
Commented on: Wei Wen, Jayce, Yong Xing
Hi Domenic
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Enjoy reading this reflection. You have great flow and the way you conveyed your points can be easily understood. However, I would like to pick up some minor points.
In your third paragraph, line three, instead of the word 'found', use the word 'find' instead.
In your fifth paragraph, instead of using the word 'refine', maybe you can use the word 'hone' instead.
That's just my opinion and keep it up!
Cheers
Wei Wen
ReplyDeleteDear Domenic,
Thank you for sharing in this fluent, detailed reflection. Your letter is highly informative, and it matches well with the parameters set for the assignment. I especially like the way you explain how accompanying your father to his job sites boosted your interest in civil engineering. You also describe in detail what you see as strengths and weaknesses in communication. Your language use throughout the letter makes it clear that you have good command of English. In terms of what you need to improve, I'd suggest you taking the bull by the horns and joining the committee for setting up the presentation showcase, which will give you a chance to further develop your interpersonal skills.
To make this letter stronger, you might add one short paragraph on a hobby or extracurricular activity. I’d also be interested to know, for example, how your outside interests connect with your developing communication skills and values.
In terms of language use, one minor sentence structure issue pops up in the first paragraph:
-- I am Domenic, I am writing this email to formally introduce myself. > (comma splice) I am Domenic, and I am writing this email to formally introduce myself. OR I am Domenic. I am writing this email to formally introduce myself.
I look forward to you making strong contributions to our classroom discussions and to the upcoming project work this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Hi Kean Tang,
ReplyDeleteGreat introduction my friend. I enjoyed reading it too. I could hardly spot any mistakes as you may have edited it. It has sufficient content and it is properly written formally.
Nonetheless, this introduction couldn't be any more simple yet accurate to display your content across. I would made this a reference in my future introduction if i have to write another one. Lets improve on our skills together and help one another in this module alright. See you in school Kean Tang
Good day Kean Teng,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing about your interest which I did not know before reading your introduction. Your introduction is formal and appropriately written. I hope you could share about your hobbies and I look forward to your appearance in school.
Stay awesome,
Xing